I've never understood the phenomenon of New Year's Resolutions. Sure, I get that it's a chance to start afresh with a clean slate, but these ritualized promises have become synonymous with bulleting a list never to be unearthed beyond January. Read: People who are successful in achieving their resolution = 8%.
The problem with resolutions is not only that they are overly ambitious (lose 50 pounds, yay?), too vague (drink less, though what is "less"?), or highly specific (anything short of reaching that exact target feels like a failure), but that they fail to account for ingrained habits.
Furthermore, these resolutions don't connect to what happens after they've been accomplished. So you've managed to "become a better person"...then what?
If the result doesn't directly feed into a tangible, sudden gratification, then the driving motivation of that promising ideal doesn't seem that driving anymore.
Instead of creating concrete resolutions, I tend to get more value out of outlining a few general thoughts that inform my day-to-day approach, not define it. They're not new beginnings, just better ones.
Here are a few thoughts for 2014:
- Focus on increasing precision. I’ve never identified with being purely detailed oriented and don't aspire to. I just finding thinking along broader visions and working on those ideals to be so much more interesting and fulfilling. Maybe it's a compensating mechanism for not sorting out small details, but I do acknowledge the benefits and need for precision. So much value comes from specificity - it’s a practiced skill that needs to be honed. I think part of the problem is that I associate "detailed oriented" with "time consuming", whereas it’s feasible to be both efficient and precise. In fact, the reason why efficiency is even possible is because there's already a high level of precision, reducing the need to double back and fix errors.
Takeaway: No more rushing through things to get them done. Work on being more precise to increase quality and efficiency.
- Be more in the moment for every interaction. There are so many distractions, everywhere. We're living in a swarm of other people's moments. Admittedly, this gets to me too, and there are just those days when I'm not listening as well as I should, and I'm responding as well as I could. But this is really selfish because these interactions are not one-sided. If we're going to expend time on the interaction or conversation at all, we owe it to others to be attentive and come up with thoughtful responses to what they’re saying. Or else, there’s little to be gained and much to be lost in terms of leaving a less than ideal impression.
Takeaway: Consistently make a conscious effort to really engage in every exchange.
- Stop delaying, eat the frog. I'd like to work on getting past the dread of doing something I don’t want to do. Sometimes it’s just replying to an email or asking somebody for something. But ask yourself: What's going to change between now and then? Often, it’s not even the thing itself but the accumulated emotion of reluctance that prevents me from making a start. As a workaround, I’ll try to ask myself what’s preventing me from doing it. If whatever that hesitation is can be solved with extra time, then I’ll allow myself to wait. But if theoretically a month could go by and I would be left with the same situation to tackle, then might as well start now.
Takeaway: Look at what's the cause of hesitation. Often it's just prolonged reluctance that makes it seem worse than it really is.
- Be more deliberate in choosing what I admire. Because there aren't too many things I'm easily impressed by or admire, I tend to very actively try to emulate the things or people I am impressed by and have deep respect for. What I admire, in turn, explicitly determines the way I think, the values I have, and what I aim for. If this is so, it's worth understanding why I admire X, Y, Z, and making sure that these are really the things I should look up to.
Takeaway: Understand where motivations are coming from and be conscientious in choosing what you want to be influenced by.
- Get better at talking about myself. I prefer talking about ideas to talking about myself, but the latter is an equally important skill to have. That is, when it's called for. In fact, in social psychology, it's termed self-disclosure, one of the primary ways to build trust and bond with others. I think it's something some people don't find very natural because other than making others laugh, there seems to be a lack of purpose in telling a story. Perhaps highlighting the takeaway to facts or stories I share will make it more obvious why I'm talking about them, and it would remove the layer of superficiality that comes with the territory of making oneself the primary topic of conversation.
Takeaway: There's value in breadth of conversation, even when it doesn't seem immediately applicable. It's these shared experiences that highlight relatability and become most memorable.
- Stay in touch with people more. This one is simple. People are important - it's really not the place you live or what job you have, but the people you share these morsels of life with. Sometimes people who mean much to you drift in and out, and it's unfortunate we let them drift out so far. Maybe it's about being better at reciprocating and creating opportunities to connect rather than relying on spontaneous interactions. But either way, no effort is no excuse.
Takeaway: Make a better effort to reach out to people who are losing touch, especially if geographic circumstance is to blame.
Here's to an improved 2014! Feel free to hold me to these.